Excerpt

ARE YOU A RADICAL?

Take the following quiz to determine how radical you really are:

1. Do you want to marry:

a. A woman just like the one who married dear old dad.
b. A woman who shares your faith and deeply held
values.
c. A woman who challenges you intellectually and has a
good sense of humor.
d. Seventy-two women with renewable virginities.

2. When you see a diverse group of non-Muslims sitting in a
pizza parlor, are you most likely to:

a. Engage them in a lively interfaith dialogue.
b. Join them in a delicious snack.
c. Scope out the babes.
d. Blow them up using a combination of homebrew
explosives and densely packed nails.

3. If a close friend or loved one referred to you as “the bomb,”
would he most likely be referring to:

a. Your remarkable and exemplary personal characteristics.
b. Your infectious and explosive laughter.
c. Your inability to properly digest some foods, most
notably legumes.
d. The high-explosive belt tied around your waist.

4. When you meet a Christian or Jewish guy on the street, are you
most likely to:

a. Smile and wish him well.
b. Tell him the one about the priest, the rabbi, and the
Presbyterian minister.
c. Tolerate him.
d. Kill him where you find him.

5. Are you most likely to describe your infidel roommate as:

a. A hog with the TV remote.
b. A stoner who plays loud music all night long.
c. A guy who knows way too much about Buffy the Vampire
Slayer.
d. A brother to pigs and apes.

6. If you found your girlfriend kissing another boy, would you:

a. Confront her immediately and tell her you think she is
the one who’s being immature.
b. Cry like a baby and beg her to come to her senses.
c. Wait until later and end the relationship with dignity.
d. Bury her in the ground up to her chest and invite the
entire community to pelt her with rocks.

7. If you won a slave girl in battle would you most likely:

a. Free her immediately because you think slavery is an
inhumane institution.
b. Get to know her as a person.
c. Offer her a chance to win her freedom in a round of
Yahtzee.
d. Recognize her as a gift from Allah and take her to your
bed.

8. Do you think Jessica Simpson is:

a. A great talent.
b. An amusing and harmless cultural icon.
c. Hot.
d. A harlot worthy of death because of her revealing
clothing.

9. As per the Qur’an, in the afterlife, do you think infidels will:

a. Suffer an awful doom. (2:6, 2:114, 3:176, 14:2, 16:94,
35:7, 41:27–28)
b. Suffer a painful doom. (2:104, 3:21, 3:87–88, 3:91,
3:177, 4:18, 4:150–51, 4:160–61, 5:36, 5:73, 6:70, 9:3,
9:34, 9:74, 9:90, 10:4, 17:10, 22:25, 25:37, 26:201,
29:23, 29:23, 37:31–38, 45:7–8, 45:11, 58:4, 64:5,
67:28, 84:22–24)
c. Have their bellies eaten with fire. (2:174)
d. Have a boiling drink and a painful doom. (10:4)
e. Burn forever in the fire. (2:217, 2:257)
f. Have their skin burned off, replaced with new skin, and
burned off again. (4:56)
g. Have their faces showered with molten lead. (18:29)
h. Be forced to wear garments of fire as boiling liquid is
poured down on their heads. (22:19)
i. Be tortured with iron hooks. (22:21)
j. All of the above.

10. When you heard that thousands of innocent people were killed
on 9/11, did you:

a. Mourn the senseless loss.
b. Become angry at the cowardly viciousness of the
attack.
c. Pray for the victims and their families.
d. Celebrate in the streets.

* * *

Scoring
Count up the number of times you choose options “d” or “j.” Use
the following key to decide where you fall on the radical scale.
10 out of 10: You are Osama bin Laden.
9 out of 10: You are the current ayatollah of Iran.
8 out of 10: You are a raving mad radical.
7 out of 10: You are a barking mad radical.
1 to 6 out of 10: Under “radical” in the dictionary, there is a picture
of you.
0 out of 10: You are not a radical.

Below is an excerpt from

Chapter 10 - An Islamic Makeover